All The Colors Of Depression

I haven’t been on in a very long time. I do not bring news of happy tidings. I was just watching a movie, guy falls in love, girl falls in love, the come to a snag, their both miserable. Yeah, pretty common story right? Then they make up. Blah blah blah. What I noticed is, why is love so fantasized about? It’s basically a drug. You feel great when your able to feel it, but when you want it, doesn’t it have adverse side affects? Don’t people go crazy because of it, commit suicide, go insane without it? People who have deep scars because of it, doesn’t it show when there’s a hint when they know they’ll get their next fix? I mean seriously. Can’t you destroy somones life when their in love? Bankrupt them. Cripple them? Destroy everything they are and ever will become? It was just a thought that popped into my head. People hate drugs, and what they do to people. I just thought it was an interesting comment, and the only thing worthy of posting on a poetry blog in a long time.

Story time, The last post.

This is my last post on this Tumblr. I have lost 30 lbs and am losing this too. I cannot garentee I will never post here again, but I am going to try my hardest not to. I no longer wish to write poetry here. I no longer want anyone to read my poetry. I will continue writing to the one person who loves reading my poetry, and really wants to hear it. Me <3 So I’ll end this tumblr with a story and a poem.

I live in a world covered in darkness. I see objects, just like any other person. There is just none of the things you’d call color. I can’t always see what is there, so I miss a lot of things. There arn’t many people here in this world I live. All the people that are here you will probably never meet. Yet here I am meeting you all. My name is Spike and it is nice to meet you all. I can go to places where people hang out, and have conversations. I just don’t meet them, because of the darkness. I can’t touch them, or see them. We can just talk. Yet I am getting a little ahead of myself.

Right now I’m heading to start an adventure. I’m going to climb my next mountain. In my world of darkness, everyone climbs mountains, hills, mounds. We clime them all the time. I myself have already climbed 2 mounds, 11 slopes, and 5 hills! It’s time for me to climb my first mountain, yipee! I am really exstatic! I know you can’t see my face right now in this world of darkness, but I am grinning from ear to ear. Over all my climbs I have gained a few things. The clothes on my back, my trusty climbing pick, and a guitar.

Now my clothes are always with me, and their pretty handy too! If I don’t treat them carfully, obviously they’ll tear. Although no matter how much I rip them, or how dirty they get as long as I don’t rip them to shreds, eventually they’ll repair themselves. Almost everyone in this world has some cloths on. I’ve had this set of clothes on since I started to climb my second hill! Now don’t get me wrong people, I wasn’t naked since then! I had one or two other pairs of clothes I wore before this pair. Silly light realm people.

Nw my pick and my guitar. Well what can I say about these? I’ve had them since I got my new pair of clothes. I trust my pick with my life, and use it probably a lot more than I should, for things I could probably do myself. Now the guitar, this is a love hate relationship. My GUITAR has to be in the right mood for me to play it. I dance when I play my guitar, but I always say, if my guitar is out of tune (Which is the reason I can’t play it) then somone somwhere else must be playing my guitar.

It might be a rag tag set of items, but They are MY rag tag set of items, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything! So let’s get climbing shall we?

So I set off climbing, and before I even get up very far at all, I find a flashlight, and a book! Wow, to you light realmers this isn’t very special. But to me in my world of darkness, this flashlight is pricless. The book just as much so. Oh believe me, I spent all day looking at all the amazing things I missed by looking at the world with my new blue flashlight! Oh man, did you know bagiji’s were yellow? What about the fraggls? I had no idea they had wings, I mean they never fly. It was the most breathtaking, refreshing day I’ve ever had.

After spending the day with my awesome new flashlight, I checked out my book a little. Books here work diffrently than books in the light realm. Each person who reads a book see’s diffrent things. Some people may see nothing at all, but that’s just what I’ve heard. since no people are around to know for sure. The book is filled with wonderful stories of this and that. I couldn’t belive how perfect the book was! It didn’t just have stories though, I finally realised. I found out it had information too! What a find? It actually talked about a wallet. That’s right a wallet. It told me where to go, and how to find it, and with the books help and the flashlights light, I found it! It was a used wallet, and a little bit worn, but it was beautiful all the same! So I put it in my pocket and went on! It was kind of late though, so goodnight light, book, wallet, clothes, and pick!

AH! what a refreshing slumber! Agh what a nice and dark day <3 Oh man, hmm? OH MY! My flashlight and book are still here! I usually lose my things after I find them… haha. Anyway there still here! So I spend the day looking over stuff with my blue flashlight, this may sound boring to you, but remember light is a rarety in my world. I can’t understand why you’d want it though, the thought of your light being brought to you by a huge flame ball in the sky that is going to explode one day really scares me… Oh well, that’s your guys discision, right? Anyway, so I was reading my book one day, and I read somthing interesting! It said there was money in the wallet! Money! Real live money. That’s not somthing you see every day. So I opened it and looked, and to my suprise… THERE WAS MONEY THERE who knew? Well, how did I have money in the wallet and not know? I haven’t been paying much attention to it. It was a nice wallet, it just wasn’t really for me, ya know? Anyway when I see the money I was amazed, it was overwhelming really. I mean yeah I know, the flashlight is super amazing awesome, but I read in the book it was really a dim light. Somone else was also using the batteries in the light, so it couldn’t shine it’s brightest, and I didn’t want to over use the batteries? ya know?

Any who the money was so cool. But, there was a “property of” note on it. It figured though, all the cool stuff is taken! oh well. When I first saw it, i tried nudging off the note, WHAT? I’m sorry but ai really wanted the money… DON’T WORRY!! JEEZE! I didn’t take the note off! gosh. So I went on my way, with money that was nice to have around, but not mine at all, hehe. The book started to talk about a really cool place. It was apperently a club. A club on the mountains you think that’s wierd do you lighjt realm people? Well it was! I was suprised, and didn’t believe it myself at first! But I listened to it anyway! And what do you know! I found a club! Now clubs in this world are diffrent from clubs in your world, so I’m told. You can always find a club when your ready to go to one, but instead of going there to socialize, you just go there to talk. Not to people, just to talk. Every once in a while you can say things to another person, or repeat what you here, but most of the time you wither talk, or listen. Haha it was a really intresting place. One day when I woke up I reached for my book to read, but my pick was on top of it. For some reason my pick was really heavy today, I couldn’t read my book which made me kinda mad, and my flashlight was really dim, which also kinda got me peeved. So I took my wallet and the money and went out! I had fun, but I couldn’t climb the mountain any that day.

In my anger I did somthing stupid tho… I took off the note… I KNOW It was dumb of me. I felt bad enough already, I even lost the wallet. as soon as I took off the note the wallet ripped to shreds. It was really sad, but I am kinda happy. I mean I get my money right? I guess. So when I got back to my stuff, the book was gone. It’s really sad, and my light is almost completly dimmed. It’s alright though, I’m more pre occupied with my money anyways. I spent the next few days  spending my money relentlessly. Intill one day I tried the flashlight and it was off. Completly off! Idk what happened, I thought the batteries were supposed to last forever!

So I took it to the club with me, WHAT I’M DESPERATE, and low and behold it worked! my flashlight still works in the club yay! I was happy happy! So for about a long while I climbed the mountain, and finally I got to the top! I was excited! My journey was halfway over… but…

I was carless. I climbed the side without the shadow first! Yes we still have shadows in our world! Shadows are colder, more alone. and only unlucky, and carless people will climb DOWN the mountain on the shadowy side. Two things happened when I got a bit down the mountain, both were tragedies. The first is, I had been noticing this latley, but my pick was splintering. I had over used it to climb the mountain, and not only did it barley support me anymore, it actually hurt to use. The pick had lost the ability to heal itself like my cloths after I had found the book, so I had to let it go, and only use it in the most DIRE of situations. SO I had to climb down the mountain with my hands.

The second is, I lost the money. See, spending money in my world isn’t like your world, you dont buy things. You just, spend, and recieve hapiness. But if you spend it to much, the money gets worn. I kept spending, and was really happy for a long time. But I finally lost the money. See? I lose things pretty easy huh? Kinda a loser at times, oh well. I can’t give up now! I’m on my way down the mountain! I could use the flashlight again though! wel.. not really. I just was really sad I couldn’t use the flaslight anywhere else, and just pretended light shone from it. It still worked in clubs, but I had seen enough of the entire club so that that wasn’t really making me happy anymore. So All I had was my clothes, my guitar (Which by the way, hadn’t been in tune to play in like forever! God stupid guitar!) and the blue flashlight.

It was a long hard journey down, climbing down a mountain is tuff you know? Well Im close to the end of my journey down the mountain. I had abbandoned my pick a long time ago, it was shot. It hurt way to much to use, and it was really unecisary and usless. I finaly realized somthing though. I looked inside the flashlight and found somthing! No batteries! What an idiot I am, they must have disapeared when the book did. Ugh I fell stupid. Oh well, I guess I won’t be seeing the light again, and I toss the flashlight over, for somone else to use if they get the batteries for it. Which I hope they do, things are AMAZING IN LIGHT!!

WHen I through it I noticed somthing… It went far. I had grown some muscles huh? That must be because I stopped relying on the dumb pick. God was climbing down a mountain always this easy? Oh I see the end of the mountain now!

Well, I gained items, but those items cost me more than I got. I realized I lost my pick, and all I had left were my clothes and my guitar. HEY! It’s in toon! That’s awesom!

I see the end of the mountain! It’s less than a Mile

I wonder what my next climb will be like, it wont be for a while

I just realized, I had one more thing I didn’t have before… It was.. a smile :)

-The End-

That’s my parting story! Farwell this tumblr. I love you! and also, thank you random follower who followed me even though I barley ever created anything. I have 1 REAL follower, and I’m happy you never left ^_^

I walk outside and close my door

It’s scary at first, but it’s not so bad

This is what I was missing? That’s kinda sad

The air tastes of salt, as I walk down the shore

I get on the grass, and hike up a hill

I notice a rock, it’s so breathtaking

When I touch it, it’s beauty has me shaking

I climb on top, what a lovley view

It is very comfy and warm, a perfect place for me

This is the best place I could ever be

I could sit here, and share with it some tea

Or sit quietly and observe the sea

It would be ubelivably amazing

Sitting their all day long

I would never have had as much fun lazing

I could write a poem, or sing it a song

The things I could do, even alone

If I could just leave my house, and find that stone.

Quiet rings through out the hall

Not a sound escapes past my wall

Darkness lurks ripe within

Thoughts go up, down, and spin

Cold breeze runs across my skin

Eyes are heavy, the air is thin

Breath moves slowley in and out

Nothing to others, but to me a shout.

Cries of anguish as the soul rips

Not a word escapes past my lips

I don’t move because I am afraid

This might be the last place I ever laid

This is what so many Idealize as the best

Not for me, my demons don’t know the meaning of rest.

Sense are gone, never there for real

Can’t see, taste, hear, smell, or feel.

For eternity I must stay in hell

Seems much longer, not that I can tell

My mind starts to wander here and there

I start to make somthing, kind and fair.

Start from the start and end at the end

It takes a while, I have a lot of features to rend.

They all arn’t perfect, but their the best it’s true

I got to pick a name, I like the name You.

You are nice sweet and kind

You are amazing and a onece in a liftime find

Although You are to great and have to much win.

It doesn’t take long for you to realise the ploace you are in

This place does not fit a person such as you.

There is nothing here for you, nothing to do

Now that you’re alive, there’s no reason to stay

Don’t mind me, it’s easier for you to go away

It’s not mean and no tears will be shed

Because nothing ever really heapend, except in my head.

Anonymous questions allowed, per request.

Please

I’m trying. If your reading this at least start a conversation once. I miss it. Also My past two posts were very intentional. VERY intentional. I’m trying. I’m a pretty fragile person. I’m not Iron man. I need somthing. Please.

I had a dream

I just woke up from a dream. I was skyping you trying to stay awake. Then I realise I nodded off, and went to see what happened on my computer, and realised I woke up. It was kinda sad.

It is intentional.

I am tired and alone

I saw the things to be shown

Its not mine I know

I’ve been desprate and low

I want you but your not mine

Its not like I can wait in a line

You’re you and I’m me

I’m the only one who couldn’t see.

If you wanted me you would tell

But my presence gives you hell

I won’t give up hope

that doesnt stop fate from saying nope.

I will drop from your sight

But i will not take flight

I’ll just hide and keep Hoarden

Because you are my hearts warden